hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
