She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
