did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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