The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
