..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
