I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize