That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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