A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
