I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
