): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to cum in my sink.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
