Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
