I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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