i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
