He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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