Got a toothbrush?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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