She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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