ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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