Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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