Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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