and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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