that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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