hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize