I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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