watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
