Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
