I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
