You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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