I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You are the jesus of drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
