Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
