Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
