she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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