Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
