It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The Olympian is in my bed
please don't ironically join a cult
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