We named our party play list daddy issues
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
