An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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