don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize