Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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