Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
