Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize