Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
