I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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