i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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