Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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