i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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