and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
