Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just invented taco cereal.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
