So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
