I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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