it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
