Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
