As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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