i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize