Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
