You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
