Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
