in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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