In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
