i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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