You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We are two peas in an std pod
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
