Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
