So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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