You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
