I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
