I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize