After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
