I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
