I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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