He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
