I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
