It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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