I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize