I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
