I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You pole danced in your parka.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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