I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
